It's been so busy I couldn't make the "Iraq in Fragments" screening. The new job is quite interesting but I can't say much about it. It's a film that is so controversial I wonder how much of it will be sanitized by the large corporation that is distributing the thing. But onto Cromwell.
Last week we met some friends for dinner at, what I consider, the best Indian food in Los Angeles. It's called The Clay Pit. The way we were seated I had the 'John Wayne' chair. For those who don't know what that means, it's the chair with its back against the wall which enables Wayne to spot any badguys he might need to shoot. From my vantage point I spotted James Cromwell two tables away. He was dining with - I would guess - his son because there was a younger Cromwell prototype with that... Profitable Cromwell proboscis.
We were well into a bottle of wine and I was feeling pretty, pretty puerile. I rarely drink. But feeling happy I concocted a little plan. I started thinking of movies and various lines that my wife would know. (And she knows quite a lot) Thus I would try to tell a little story and get her to fill in the blank. And she's quite good at that. There are times I will call her and ask her some IMDB question. She answers and I hang up so I can carry on with whatever conversation I'm having.
Part of my plan included goading her about something silly, like how she never gives me credit for editing her poetry - and she admits that to our friends. But, she reminds me, I never credit her for her jokes so I cop to that. Only I am purposely trying to drive her voice a little louder. Just a couple of notches. The wine helps. She is already a few decibels louder. Now I stir gently. You don't wanna boil the milk (or mix the metaphors) I poke, I prod and then I ask, "Hey, what's that line at the end of Babe, the Pig movie?. Is it, 'Nice Pig? or Good job Pig?' And she loudly puts me in my place with "That'll do, pig. That'll do." I think it was just loud enough for Cromwell to hear. Then I quietly said, "Hey, guess who's two tables behind you?"
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James Cromwell, The Clay Pit, Best Indian Food in Los Angeles, Ten Causes For Divorce: Wife Embarrassment
10 comments:
My mom always has to have that seat, she hates having her back to a room.
His luck, he was probably having Pork Vindaloo.
I thought it was the mobster seat.
The question is, did your wife take the set-up well or did she smack you in the head with a pakora?
I can't stand having my back to a door or window.
The first movie I saw Cromwell in was Murder By Death where he played Marcel the forever suffering side kick.
Heya.
This is Emma here from the site that used to be mysticdollarredemption.blogspot.com. As you may have realised from trying to access it in the last 14 hours, the URL no longer takes you to my blog, but to some other new link, adore kim, whatever the Hell that is, and I promise you, I have nothing to do with that.
I have no idea how this happened. I went hope last night, tried to access my blog, and realised that someone had changed the URL. So I went into my blogger account (surprisingly, the person who changed my account did not change any other settings apart from deleting my entire profile), and the URL had been changed to onomatopoeiaoyster.blogspot.com. So all my blog entries have moved to this new addy.
I’m very surprised that whoever did this merely changed my URL and didn’t do more. Quite nice for a hacker, some might say. Uh. Not me. Anyway, I’m now extremely tired, furious and annoyed, and have changed it to the simplest URL that I can: zummer.blogspot.com. I would be very grateful if you’d update all your links from your blog and favourites with this new URL, because it’s mine.
As I said, I’m extremely irritated and I would deeply appreciate your co-operation. Also delete this mysticdollarredemption link now because I have nothing to do with the contents with that blog. I’m like, really pissed off.
Thanks, Emma.
That was fantastic. I wonder what her retribution will be?
Ooo, you are a naughty husband! I don't EVEN want to know what ramifications you suffered from her for that one...
Shame on you! Naughty, naughty Portnoy.
cullen - indian revenge is a dish best served cold.
zen - that made me laugh.
c - she took in the spirit it was given. then she called the divorce attorney.
silver - i can't sit facing mirrors or with my back against the door.
emma - i will re do your link. i'm sorry to hear of your hacker issue.
lastly - i never knew how much i enjoyed being called naughty....
Ha ha you're sneaky! I would be so embarassed!!!
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